Raising a family in China

Raising a Family in China

I am sure that most of you have heard and understand the Chinese policy for having only one child; but only a few might understand the true meaning of this policy. 

It was interesting to learn that when the couple gets married, neither changes their name, it is only when the child is born that the man’s name is used.  So when it comes to having a baby, it is true for the majority of families that they are limited to having only one child without special dispensation.  If your hometown is a relatively large city then the one child policy applies to you. If you are born in a rural town, then it may be possible to have more than one   However if you and your spouse are both only children then you can have two.  Or if you choose to “Pay The Price” then you can have two.  Or if you have multiple births (i.e. twins, triplets, etc.) then you can keep them all.  So when I say, “Pay the Price,” you can have a second child if you agree to pay for the privilege.  That privilege will generally cost you 1 ½ to 2 years salary; which is quite substantial when you consider that the majority of Chinese are just managing to scrape by. 

It was however interesting to learn that although many of the so called “Middle Class Families” could actually afford to have two children, many of them choose not too.  The reasoning is this:  If you want to give your child the ability to succeed, then you will need to make sure that he/she has the best education possible.  This means that you will need to send them to a foreign school as early as possible.  There are many distinguished international middle and high schools in the major cities but these come with a hefty price tag.  Then you must consider a foreign university, which can be very costly for students from abroad. So if it is pricey for one child then it becomes unaffordable for more than one.  Hence many well to do families decide to have only one. 

So this phenomenon presents an interesting question, if the potentially less educated families in the rural areas can have more than one (presumably to help the family earn a living), and the richer, more educated families can, or choose to have only one; what will the future mix of capabilities in China look like.  I leave that for you to ponder. 

Another interesting aspect of this policy is that, since the majority of Chinese would prefer to have a son (for I assume historical reasons), in some cases, the family may decide to abort the baby if they believe, or know, that it is a girl.  So the government has instructed the doctors not to inform the couple of the sex of the baby before the birth (but most of them are able to find out anyway). 

The naming strategy is also very interesting.  And you are thinking; why is naming a child interesting.  Maybe because of the family name, or traditional names or because of the meaning of the name; well you would be correct in each case but I learned something else.  If the woman is expecting a boy then the grandfather names the boy, and if he is nice then he will let the father choose the middle name and of course, the family name (which is the first name said and written) is the father’s family name.  If the baby is to have three names (as ours do) then the wife will generally choose the third name.  It is however uncommon to have three names plus the family name.  If it is to be a girl, then the father can name it without the approval of the grandfather.  But it is now common practice for the mother and father to jointly choose the girl baby’s name.  Another interesting aspect is that the official naming happens 100 days after the birth.  I guess this affords the opportunity to get to know the baby a little and decide if he is really a James or maybe a John instead.

Then once the baby is born, the mother takes care of it together with her parents for two months then she returns to work and it is the grandparents that take care of the baby until it goes to school and more normally until the young person no longer needs their care.  We often see the young kids on the metro with the grandparents but even on the weekends the parents are rarely with them.  If in the rare case we see the entire group then we think it is sad to see the kids preferring to be with the grandparents.  Not only is this common but it is actually the grandparents responsibility in the culture to be the primary caregivers.  I hope the USA doesn’t switch to this system any time soon; regular visits sounds great to me.

SO once you have spent your life working hard 6-7 days a week 10-12 hours per day; then it is time to raise the kid!  Raising a family should not be a spectator sport, the kids should have physical and mental interaction from their entire family; but in a society where your job is number one, this seems not to be possible. 

In a previous post I mentioned about trying to implement cultural change in terms of quality improvement at the plant.  I wanted the operators to “own” quality and make it personal, so I suggested that we start a campaign to keep their workplace clean.  But this is a new concept as it is not in their job descriptions so I suggested that we have a “Family Day” and invite the families to see the operators’ workstations and in this way they would want to make their workplace very clean.  Ok so how does this relate.  Well when I presented the idea, the head of the union said that this is a good idea but that it would be difficult to implement because many of their families do not live in the big city with their parents, but rather in the hometown where they grew up, with the grandparents.  So the two national holidays (Chinese New Year and Golden Week) become very import as it is the only time that they have enough time off (7 days) to travel what are often long distances back to their home towns.  This is not only true of the plant workers but many other groups such as the construction workers and road builders; there are many “Migrant workers” in China.  As a matter of fact, Catharine teaches English at one of the migrant children’s school near Shanghai. 

So although the opportunities for many Chinese are improving, it may be at the expense of a family life!